Practicing Normality
by LCsquee
Summary: Light had to account for all of the little problems that littered the road to his perfect future—loyalties to keep up, alliances to make and break, suspicions to allay, appearances to maintain. Even his love life was carefully orchestrated to meet his ends- he made sure he chose the best possible partner... (MatsudaxLight. Rating will go up in the future.)


Title: Practicing Normality

_Chapter 1: The Science of Attraction_

Warnings: Mature content later in the story

Pairings: MatsudaxLight

Light had thought of the possibility a few times, before L's death. He had to account for all of the little problems that littered the road to his perfect future—loyalties to keep up, alliances to make and break, suspicions to allay, appearances to maintain. It entailed a heavier workload than one might suspect, keeping himself in just the right place to work as Kira and L. He had to maintain and reinforce his social safety net, so to speak, constantly. His family and colleagues took up the most of his energies to keep complacent by the simple fact that they cared for him—caring meant interest, and interest meant scrutiny to ensure that he was 'alright.' As far from his intellectual level they may have been, the more "concerned" eyes on him, the higher the chance of suspicion being brought onto himself.

So he did what he had to. He let himself be caught 'crying' a few times after L's death, holed up in a bathroom stall to sob or ducking into the break room with a quivering lip and wet eyes. He ate healthily, but indulged in the occasional proffered beer or slice of cake or the rare trip to a bar. He made sure to smile and frown and laugh, sometimes throwing out an embarrassing snort or giggle to emphasize the naturalness of it. The humanity of it. Human emotions, emitted at certain intervals and with calculated precision for the desired effect. He did it exceedingly well, but it lead to another problem that he had known he'd have to face. Romance, love, a permanent _relationship._

Light had used his share of women to further his plans since he had first discovered his fated Death Note as an innocent teenager. Now he was getting older. 19 may not have seemed very old to anyone else, but Light was planning his life, arranging the chess pieces on the board early on to ensure a victory in the long run. He needed to decide who he would choose to be a in a long-term relationship with. He wanted to keep Misa in his corner for her eyes; though he felt an acrid distaste for her, the value she held as an ally was too great to consider killing her off. That didn't mean that he would carry on with his little 'relationship' with her. Continuing the fake romance wouldn't make him any happier or better set to rule the world, and both his family and colleagues thought somewhat poorly of his choice in her. Worst of all, they were worried about their relationship. That wouldn't do.

He could find and have his choice of women or men. In the end, he chose Matsuda.

He had given thought to Matsuda a number of times before. If he were completely honest with himself, he had thought that Matsuda would be a nice, safe choice for him when he was first introduced to Matsuda, a young new officer under his father's watch, when he was just 20 and Light 13. Hey, he liked to plan ahead, even as a child. He now chose Matsuda as an adult for much the same reasons. He had the prime qualities he needed in a partner. He was gullible, good-natured, brave when needed, emotional at times. He was someone Light had known for years, both as a colleague and as one of his father's co-workers, not to mention a family friend. Matsuda showed signs of attraction towards him(as did most everyone Light encountered), and he thought the world of Light. Matusda was well-liked, he was attractive and healthy. 7 years separated them, but as long as Light snagged him before he turned 30, he wouldn't arouse suspicion—the goofy officer aged so slowly and acted even younger that the gap was of little matter. Above all, he was exceptionally _loyal._ That was a rare quality that not even Misa held—she was too unhinged and obsessive to be truly loyal. If Light entered into a relationship with Matsuda, made him think he loved him, his loyalty would be his forever. It was just what he needed. And so he set out to sow the seeds of their eventual union.

… … … Line Break … … …

He broke up with Misa, privately telling her that it was for the sake of his career as Kira(which was the truth, surprisingly enough for the expert liar). She, of course, threw herself into a huge fit of depression, but followed Light's suggestion to channel it into her work. She went on to release some surprisingly good movies involving emotional scenes that raked in awards. Though his friends and family expressed sympathy and remorse for their parting of ways, their body language spoke volumes of the relief they felt at having Misa out of their, and Light's, life.

At 19, Light started off little ripples in his interactions with Matsuda that would lead to waves of change in the coming tides of time. Abrupt smiles were given to Matusda when he would have been expected to react otherwise to him. Light sometimes gave him looks that lingered a little too long on the man's retreating form. He would raise his heartbeat and call forth a slight blush if in close proximity to Matsuda, sometimes going so far as to drop what he was holding as if suddenly clumsy. He made sure to keep it subtle as he built it up, but just obvious enough that someone who was looking for the clues of attraction- someone who was looking for Light to show interest in _anyone_—would see it.

His father noticed first. Just as he expected. He was a man who did not interfere in Light's life choices unless he was concerned. He did not approach Light about this, which meant he had his approval. Success.

He continued to build up his little signs of attraction to the carefree man, and one by one, the other members of the taskforce and his family realized his unspoken feelings for Matsuda. Light took his sweet time with his game, knowing that Matsuda would not fully realize his advances until he concretely showed his affection. The goal at that time was to get the other people in his life accustomed to the idea of him and Matsuda as a possible item, and to then get them on board to support their eventual coming together. He was building a small troop of supporters on a romantic campaign—a love army, one might say.

… … … Line Break … … …

Aizawa sat idly at his workstation. He was supposed to be working on a list of suspicious deaths that could be Kira-related, but his attention was otherwise occupied. The odd thing about the situation was that he was not worried in the least about being caught slacking off, seeing as his own boss was neglecting his own work. _Again._

Aizawa chewed on the end of his pen thoughtfully. Light had been acting off lately. Sure, he was still just as brilliant as ever, but his attention would slip at the oddest of times. They would be having a coffee break, and the kid would stare into space with the most peculiar little smile on his face. Or someone would point out a statistic to him and he'd blush. He'd even _stuttered _a couple of times, seemingly out of the blue. He obviously had something else on his mind, but the question was _what_?

Right now, Light was looking at a spot slightly above his computer screen, eyes glazed. Aizawa worried that Light could still be mourning L, or that perhaps the stress of his enormous responsibility to act as L at such a young age was getting to him…. Aizawa watched intently as Light's features lit up and a smile momentarily crossed his face. Why was that…? Oh, Matsuda was back with their lunch. Light accepted his packaged lunch from the smiling man, laughing a little shrilly at something the man said. His face flushed when Matsuda smiled back. Oh. _Oh. _Aizawa watched Light watch Matusda walk away, noticed that Light's face took on a sort of … swooned look.

_Ha_, Aizawa inwardly crowed to himself, Light was fine, just fine. He was just suffering from a crush on the most oblivious man in the world. Accepting his own lunch, he smirked into his drink. What a relief, and such a sweet piece of gossip.

… … … Line Break … … …

There came a time when Aizawa decided it was his duty as a longtime coworker and friend of the Yagami family to talk with the chief about his son's… crush… on Matsuda. Light was unaware of when exactly this happened, but had predicted that it would happen at any rate.

Aizawa had no idea how the chief would react to his son having a crush on a man—was Light even _out _yet?—let alone a man such as _Matsuda. _If Aizawa's little girl ever found herself head-over-heels for someone like Matusda, Aizawa would be displeased to say the very least… more like apocalyptically rageful. Soichiro had a heart condition to consider on top of it all… Aizawa gulped as he held his coffee cup in front of him like a shield. Soichiro gave him a puzzled, expectant look from across the table.

Aizawa had invited the chief out for a cup of coffee before work to break the news to him. That was the easy part—the like-minded men often spent a spare moment together over coffee or something a little stronger. Actually telling him was the difficult part. Difficult, and so, so, _so _very awkward. He cleared his throat with an effort and started, his voice slightly gruff, "Chief, I think there's something you need to know about Light. He's—well, you see, ahhhh… Matsuda—uhm, well, Light—"

Soichiro held up a hand to interrupt Aizawa. The other man snapped his mouth shut. Soichiro raised one eyebrow very, very slowly, and at length asked in slight exasperation, "Are you talking about Light's crush on Matsuda?"

Aizawa's face took on a perfect imitation of a fish with a particularly impressive afro. Soichiro smiled slightly, "I've known for a few weeks. I think it'd be good for the both of them."

Recovering from his shock, Azawa stuttered out, "B-but-but they're complete opposites!"

Soichiro made a small gesture with his cup as he replied sagely, "Not really. They're plenty different, true—Light is highly intelligent, while Matusuda… does alright with the brains he has. Light has the social grace of a prince, and Matsuda that of a circus clown. Light is serious, and Matsuda carefree."

Placing his cup down on the table in front of him, he continued, "But they are both stubborn, good men who are devoted to doing what's right. They would compliment each other; Matsuda's down-to-earth, happy-go-lucky attitude would check Light's intensely-focused one, hopefully making him slow down and enjoy life. Light's organization in his life would spread to Matsuda's, helping him to get his life together. Light has trouble expressing and accepting affection, and Matsuda practically oozes it. Light is high-maintenance, and Matsuda loves to please others no matter the lengths, so he would take good care of Light. They would be as devoted to each other as they have been to this investigation. I think they'd be damn near perfect for each other." He finished with a small, satisfied chuckle.

Aizawa stared at the chief for a good few minutes, eyes wide and blank. Soichiro continued to drink his coffee at leisure, waiting for his friend to rejoin him in the here and now from the state of shock he had sent him into. Light didn't get his intelligence from thin air, Soichiro reminded himself somewhat smugly.

… … … Line Break … … …

Light made sure to give his teammates time away from him, especially when said alone time involved food—this magic combination ensured prime gossip time. One of these special times was during lunch when Light had elected to run home for some aspirin and Matsuda had gotten up to use the restroom. Mogi, Ide, and Aizawa sat with the chief, eating their lunches and talking about their lives. The moment Light and Matsuda were out of sight, the three younger detectives metaphorically pounced on poor Soichiro, pawing for details about Light and Matsuda.

"Are the together yet?" Ide asked quickly, straight to the point.

Soichiro sighed, his expression clearly disappointed, "No. Not that I know of, and I think _I_ would know…"

A cry of defeat echoed around the group. Mogi furrowed his brow, pondering aloud, "So, then Matsuda's still unaware…?" The group swiveled their heads back to the chief, who nodded sadly in the affirmative.

"Maybe," Aizawa mused, tapping the rim of his coffee mug, "we could set them up on a blind date… That's how we got my cousin together with the girl he'd been exchanging longing looks with for years." Again, all eyes turned to Soichiro.

"No," he answered sadly, "while I'm sure Matusda would go on a blind date, Light is not the type to blindly meet someone on a romantic pretense… especially when he already is pining after someone right in front of him." Dejected proclamations and sighs met the chief's words. Ide opened his mouth to suggest something, but at that moment the doorknob clicked. The team abruptly went back to talking about their humdrum lives. Light held his smile in as he walked back into the room, aspirin bottle in hand.

… … … Line Break … … …

Not long after Light turned 20, Matsuda managed to get a date with a young woman who worked at a local café. Light made sure his smile was fixed and a little pained when Matsuda excitedly told the team, and his voice dry and breaking just ever –so-slightly when he wished him luck. Their co-workers shot Light looks of sympathy and regret, giving each other secretive little nods and frowns.

Light built up a mopey attitude as the days led up to Matsuda's rare date. The other taskforce members acted impressively careful when around Light while giving the poor, bewildered Matsuda quite cold treatment. Light overheard whispered conversations about him and Matsuda, catching little clues that let him know things were running just the way he wanted them to, such as "poor kid, you can tell it's eating him up," and, "he's so lovesick," and his favorite, "If only Matsuda weren't so _thick-headed_." They were all on his side, much to Light's glee, and they went on to show it.

Light watched on in silent delight as his coworkers actually tried to dissuade Matsuda from going on his date. Ide wheedled Matusda for a chance to go to a new movie with him. Mogi offered him cooking lessons. Aizawa grumbled at the poor man that he would just make a fool of himself. Matsuda endured so much negativity and harsh treatment that by the time he actually went on his date, he was moody, snappish, and completely lacking confidence.

The night of Matsuda's date, Light went home early, a dejected look on his face and a definite slump in his step. He received calls from his friends and family, just "checking in" on him. His mother insisted that he come over for dinner and spend the night as it had been so long between proper visits, and he did so, being a good son and all. Of course his father had leaked the news to Sachiko that her son's crush was going on a big date with someone else that night, so she did her best to smother him in comfort. He went to bed that night, having been coddled and fed his favorite foods. He was confident that Matsuda's date would be a disaster.

… … … Line Break … … …

The next day, Light went in to work with all the look of a man heartbroken. He was met with his mirror in Matsuda. Their colleagues could barely contain their glee as they beckoned Light over to hear Matusda recount, _yet again,_ his horrible date. How Matsuda managed to spill an entire plate of spaghetti on his date, or why he blamed it on her earrings was a mystery, but his date left him after only fifteen minutes into their meal. Light showed Matsuda sympathy while putting on a show of fighting a smile off his face. Matsuda seemed not to notice, but their co-workers did as they echoed it.

Light was very cheery that day, along with everyone else but the poor, disheartened Matsuda. Light quietly voiced a desire to cheer Matsuda up, and his co-workers, so meticulously trained by him, announced that they would _all_ go out to a bar and get happily drunk that weekend; Light was 20, and so he was finally old enough to (legally) drink with them, and they could cheer Matsuda up from his crushing defeat of a date.

That weekend, Light and Matsuda accompanied Aizawa, Ide, Mogi, and Soichiro to a bar the officers favored. It was the perfect time for Light to push things into motion. Drinks were ordered and consumed in a feedback loop of increasing intoxication. Ties were loosened. Karaoke was sung badly by another group far off in the corner. Light kept his alcohol consumption to a minimum by means of surreptitiously dumping his drinks into a nearby plant, as such appearing to drink just as much as his inebriated friends. Matsuda was quickly becoming a sloppy mess. Light pulled a face when no one was looking. They was _not _attractive. Matsuda hiccupped and followed it up with a loud, ringing laugh. Okay, _maybe_ he was still cute drunk off his ass, but he would be sure to keep his drinking to a minimum when they were finally together...

Speaking of together, Light needed to actually _get_ them together. There could be no subtlety, so suave maneuver to get this simple man to fall for him. He had to physically show him that he wanted a relationship—he had to dive in, literally.

It was easy to slip unnoticed passed the unfocused eyes of the others to where Matsuda sat. It was even easier to trip and fall onto him, rocking them on his barstool until they tumbled to the floor and under the ledge of the bar. He let their eyes meet for a long, slow moment in the dark under the bar. Perfect. He was blushing and looking embarrassed and just a little aroused. Light responded by raising his blood pressure to produce a deep, spreading flush of red on his own face. All the more it took was to arrange his features into a cute, wanton expression and a murmured, "M-Matsu," and Matsuda lurched forward to meet him in their first kiss. _Success._

From there it was easy to transition into a rather short make-out session that was soon interrupted by Light not-so-accidentally kicking his father in the ankle as he ambled obliviously by. Cheers and catcalls followed them as they were pulled out from under the bar. The team looked as happy as they were drunk, which was _quite a lot_. Soichiro announced a little unsteadily that he was taking his son home to sober up, though he was unable to stop the smile from breaking out onto his face when he looked at Matsuda. Matsuda himself was apparently dazed, staring in shock at Light as if he couldn't believe what had just happened. No doubt he would wake up the next morning with a hangover, wondering if it was all a dream. Good thing there were witnesses, Light thought as he was half-carried out to a waiting cab. His father was patting him on the shoulder as Light plopped down in the cab, trying to hide his smile as he told him that they'd have a man-to-man talk the next day. The cab rolled away from the bar, and Light could see his drunk team smacking Matsuda on the back and hollering congratulations.

Matsuda was a decent kisser while smashed—Light wondered how good he'd be fully sober.

… … … Line Break … … …

The next day Light enjoyed sleeping in as he pretended to sleep off a hangover. He decided that noon was an appropriate time to send a text to Matsuda. His inbox was already starting to fill up from the rest of his co-workers and family. Gossips, the lot of them.

_**Hey Matsuda, I just wanted to ask if what I did was alright. Kissing you, I mean. I'm sorry if I overstepped any boundaries. – Light. **_There. A little unsteady, a little awkwardly emotional, and still very much Light. He hit send with a smirk.

Ten minutes later he had a reply. Pffft. The man must have typed and retyped his message at least four times to take this long. _**Hi Light! Don't worry it was ok! I'm also sorry if it wasn't ok for me to kiss you. –Matsuda **_

Light bit his lip to stifle a snicker. So obvious. He typed out his response with precision. _**There's nothing to be sorry for. It was more than okay. – Light**_Ohhh, this was fun, flirting with Matsuda.

Two minutes passed, and Light received a text back _**Really? Are you sure? We were drunk. – Matsuda "**__Ugh, don't pull this card Matsuda_," Light tsked to himself_, "Let yourself have something good for once_."

He sent out another text, too clear for even Matsuda to misinterpret _**To be honest, I've wanted to kiss you for a long, long time, Matsuda. – Light **_This ought to do the trick.

Sure enough, not a full minute passed by before he received _**Really? – Matsuda**_

"_No, I'm lying to make you fall in love with me and thus create a thicker social safety net and as such secure a new world order_," Light thought to himself. _**Really. I've had a crush on you for quite awhile. I hope that doesn't make you uncomfortable. – Light**_

_**No,no, it's fine with me! I just never thought… **_Another speedy reply. He must have been texting directly, with whatever was on his mind. Good. Maybe he could get him to ask him out before lunchtime.

He waited five minutes before sending him another text _**Matsuda? – Light**_

He got the reply he had been waiting for _**Hey, you wanna go get something to eat? – Matsuda **_Light frowned slightly. Couldn't Matsuda ever be forward?

_**Like… a date? – Light **_"_Come on_," Light thought to himself, "_make it official." _

_**Yeah yes it's a date! How about tomorrow at noon, we can have lunch at that café near work? – Matsuda **_

_Finally. _Light let loose a laugh as he sent back a _**I'll see you then! – Light **_Things were finally beginning to speed up. Now to go downstairs to have his Mom and sister squeal happily and have his father smile behind his coffee mug and gruffly tell him to go easy on Matsuda, the poor guy.


End file.
